moving on
09/24/2002 09:11 p.m.
I'm supposed to be moving in less than two weeks to upstate NY. I've got a job waiting, a nice, cheap, little appartment in a somewhat shady neighborhood in the same building as my best friend and the freedom to do as I please.  Still, although I'm excited about the move, I'm also nervous and confused as to whether or not I'm making the right decision.  It's funny to me that for at least a good ten years I've been ranting about how much I hate it here where I grew up and can't wait to get out. Things really aren't so bad here, I have to admit.  I've met some really great people recently and it just figures that that would happen right as I'm ready to leave. It's not as if I'm never coming back, my family is all here, but its not quite the same.  But if I think really hard about it, the pros of moving far outweigh the cons. The catalyst for this move has got to be one of the oldest cliches in the book. I got my heart stomped on by a guy. Not just any guy, a really good guy. I'm not talking good as it being rich, gorgeous, or overly stylish. None of that really matters to me, never has.  Good as in honest and gentlemanly. We went out on one of those dates where everything just clicks. I've never had that happen to me before. I've never been so at ease in someone's presence.  Then this friend of his, decides that after so many years of friendship that she's going to confess this heartfelt love she has for him. He decided to give it a shot with her rather than with me. Oh, straight through the heart. Ouch! That hurt. That wasn't the only reason I decided to move, but it was the final straw in a whole series of events that have built up roughly over the past year.  So, I'm packing up all my shit.  I've got my friends, my appartment and my job working third shift for a bakery.  I like the idea of working through those wee hours of the morning, 11-7 a.m.  In the meantime, I've started work on what I hope will become a novel. The process is painstakingly slow.  I work on it in bits and pieces, go back over them, edit. It's strange for me, working in this arena, I've always written poetry.  Its an interesting challenge, breathing life into characters.  They're like puppets, what will I make them do today? And when I do, will it be believable. Then there's the issue of pacing, gotta keep things interesting. I'm excited about writing this, all the hard work I'm going to have to put forth. This is what I now have to look forward to.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Nirvana- In Utero