Loves Journey
01/24/2010 04:57 a.m.
There was a time when love was something I did not seek, yet slight resemblances of it would seem to creep into and out of my life at times least expected. Eventually, but unsurprisingly...I had learned to love. My Buoyant expectations for love and life in general, correlated with the amplified disappointments that had made gradual yet heavy impacts on my inner self from that point on. Despite the various emotional obstacles I had soon faced, the most valuable and difficult part of the journey was realizing that I wasn't who I thought I was, and I had to learn to accept and love someone I hadn't even really known or acknowledged for most of my life...myself.



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Control the Sail..not the wind
01/24/2010 04:54 a.m.
One of the most valuable lessons that I have learned in life thus far was one taught to me early on through the French words spoken by one of the most influencial persons within my life...my father. Those things in life that are truly great are the very things that probably take the most work in achieving, maintaining, and nurturing. Whether that be the ability to acquire a fulfilling and nurturing relationship with God, another human heart, parenthood, the maintenance or acquisition of a desired career….etc. The idea is that those very things that make an individual "tick" so to speak, are those very things that the human heart and mind truly desire and need. Those "ticks" igniting sparks of elation, contentment, love, bliss, and many times exhilaration…cannot just happen without one's own motivations, determinations, and willingness to aid in "igniting" such. Each spark maybe being a little more difficult to ignite along the way…yet all the more invaluable in achieving. If one truly desires in one's heart to achieve what it is that he or she wishes to accomplish spiritually, romantically, or monetarily…then he or she will be willing to work in accomplishing such without taking that naïve route of self gratification. It is those easy routes in life…those short cuts so to speak…that may leave you at a dead end…….lost. The most difficult route in life to take is the one which enables an individual to truly be honest with themselves…the one which allows an individual to look ahead and determine how motivated and willing they are in his or her ability to travel that difficult inner journey so to speak to achieve what he or she desires whether it be as mentioned spiritually, romantically, or monetarily...etc. The maturity and determination of an individual as I have seen is often tested by how he or she will handle those bumps in the "road"…one's ability to get back on track after a few expected yet disheartening wrong turns. However, one cannot travel on a smooth flat land again so to speak until one has truly given a fair attempt in examining how to avoid and resolve those bumps in the road that may turn up along the way…for a perfect journey is non-existent and inner success is therefore measured by the ability to examine what one will take and learn from those bumps along the way…and through the ability to deal with and not avoid such imperfections as they come. For it is wise to realize that a couple scattered "rocks" may lead to a journey that is perhaps a bit more rocky than desired. Yet when one is able and willing to resolve those inner rocks as they come without avoidance of such; often times driven through annoyance, aggravation, or to be blunt laziness…then that willingness will pay off and that journey can be all the less rocky. Those pleasurable "sparks" as mentioned before that one so desires are then more likely be ignited and maintained. These thoughts are somewhat comparable to that ever so famous "garden" that many have heard of. Anyone can plant a garden and dump a couple of seeds in the ground and say that they want their plant to grow. Your plant in this case being a career, relationship, spiritual connection…etc. Yet the individual who is truly determined in being successful at such takes care of his or her garden, making sure to water it not just sometimes but all the time. Pulling out the weeds that may harm their garden as they come…before the amount of weeds becomes overwhelming. Nourishing the soil and providing the best opportunity for sunlight etc. If one does not "pull out those weeds" so to speak as they come…then that garden will not blossom optimally. So the idea is this. I have learned that all those things in life which I have truly desired… take work. I have learned to be willing to put forth whatever necessary in order to achieve such whether that be through occupational, romantic, or spiritual endeavors. I have learned that whatever achievements whether great or small…are highly beneficial in the grand scheme of things. Yet it is within the acquisition of those greatest accomplishments where more determination, hard work, and motivation on my part were needed...and it is through that hard work where I had learned and am learning the most.The easiest things to achieve and maintain were not as influencial in determining who I am currently as an individual in comparison to those accomplishments achieved through larger bouts of effort. So I guess I can definitely agree with the saying that "what one gets in life is truly reflected by what one is willing to put in." How true…isn't it? Whether one is willing to take the more difficult journey over the "short cut" journey so to speak. Whether one is able to get back on track after a couple wrong turns instead of just turning back. No matter what the accomplishment… no matter how great- how small. If you give a fair shot at achieving whatever it is you wish to accomplish in whichever mentioned domain…you will, and if you feel as though the acquisition of such seems all the more difficult than what once was; realize that perhaps you have just reached a couple bumps in the road….and know that it is how you will deal with and learn from these bumps that will determine how the rest of your journey will be.Remember, focus on "controlling the sail...not the wind." I hope these words once taught to me will be as inspiring and relevant to whoever reads this…as they have been and continue to be for me.



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Morning cup of optimism
01/24/2010 04:53 a.m.

I sit here this morning and I think about the past, the present, and a great deal about my future. I contemplate how everything thus far has played out so to speak; the good, the not so good, the moments I'd like to forget...the moments I do not regret, and of course the moments in which I know I will never forget. I do not know exactly why I am in such a contemplative state, ..but I am, and feel compelled to write my thoughts....and through what seems to be some sort of a blanket of threaded emotions...I am driven to write this:

"Look not back on yesterday...depend not on what the future may bring...but see only with clarity what is within the present; for the here and now is the one offering that really determines one's present happiness." A quote that I have formulated...yet almost subconsciously. Perhaps my inner self trying to put myself into "check." I'll admit to focusing a bit to much on the past; perhaps not externally conveyed through words or action; yet a definite internal struggle. No matter what, one's past holds a whirwhind of emotions: happiness, pain, bliss, fear, struggle, sorrow. Perhaps regret, bad judgement, and if your lucky a lot of happiness and bliss...and a little less of the rest. Then there comes the intense thoughts regarding my future: will I accomplish all that it is that I want to accomplish...yet more importantly..what I am MEANT to accomplish as a christian, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, sole-mate etc. I am now thinking about the very quote that I felt so compelled to create and write down...and yes....yes, YES! (this is not an herbal essence commercial btw lol) It all makes sense! Why so much thought regarding my past...and why so much thought about my future...why not more thoughts regarding TODAY!!! What a gift! There are families that I work with everyday with uncertainty, not about the past, not so much about the future...but uncertainty regarding TODAY. Will there child make it through THIS day? Not yesterday... not tomorrow... but TODAY. I think about this and am reminded of how great the gift of the present is...the here, the now, this minute, this hour...THIS DAY! What happened yesterday is merely a passing. What happens tomorrow is uncertain..but what is certain is today. How often we forget. So I write my quote again: ." Look not back on yesterday...depend not on what the future may bring...but see only with clarity what is within the present; for the here and now is the one offering that really determines one's present happiness" So today I choose to not think about yesterday...to not worry about tomorrow, but to focus on today. Today I will thank God for the love which he has instilled within my heart and I will pray for guidance so that I can be all that it is I should be...Today, not what I could have been yesterday and not what I hope to be tomorrow...but what I can be TODAY! I will not use tomorrow as a crutch so to speak for making up for today...for perhaps my last hour is contained within THIS day. I will try to make a positive difference TODAY to those that I love, attempt an act of altruism to someone who I am perhaps not very close with, and will remember that TODAY is a gift...tomorrow is no guarantee and yesterday has already passed. So yes, how I choose to perceive and act on the the present...the "here and now", will be my "thank-you note" so to speak for the gift of today that God has given me. I will not take it for granted...it would be as if accepting a gift from a friend, putting it aside right in front of their face, and waiting to thank them tomorrow. We can always strive to do better with every passing day...yet I am choosing to be my best today...and the outlook which I have today will truly determine my present happiness...and today...it's gonna be a real good, feel good kind of a day. :0)




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Faith...self reflected
01/24/2010 04:51 a.m.
Faith........Self -reflected.
Category: Writing and Poetry


Faith is not hoping, it's not wishing, it's not infinitesimal specs of optimism. Faith is knowing, believing, and being thankful that what we so need and desire will in fact be presented aptly. The concept of faith is one that becomes reinforced to greater degrees as I gain spiritual, intellectual, and realistic knowledge. As time progresses I am able to realize that the incredibilities which we are not able to see on a physical level are among the most real...and among the most important. After several past experiences that had left painful/emotional reminents scattered and woven throughout my life…I had wondered how I would pick up the pieces so to speak…how to heal. I thought about such for a while, and yes…sometimes even felt sorry for myself. I let such experiences negatively affect my relational approaches in many varying degrees. For a while afraid to love, for a while unable to heal,..these past emotional scabs revealed…many attempts failed to conceal. Presently, I am clothed with perspectives that warm my inner self. I now know Faith is knowledge…knowing that we are not alone to "sweep" the jagged pieces that may be lingering within and around us. Faith is also believing that reminents left whether from favorable or unfavorable experiences have been presented for some specific reason within our lives. Perhaps such left as catalysts for self-evaluation…perhaps such left as mere rememberences of how things could be experienced differently in future occurances. Even greater…perhaps such are left and signaled from a higher power meant to signal our calling and reaching to that power. Whatever, whoever, however…we must believe regardless of the cliché tone, that what happens within our present, past, and future lives is truly driven by some sort of reason and we should be thankful for these happenings…for perhaps these reminants are meant to fortify our inner selves to therefore strengthen who it is that we have been created to be. When thinking in this type of perspective, I am now thankful for all the experiences that have had and will happen within my life nonetheless…for my faith is and will be strengthened by such. ~Christine

I am currently Blessed

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