Oh Tannanbon...spelling anyone? Hehe
12/12/2003 04:34 a.m.

Work has been nuts! I was in today and I have these ladies that just wouldn't give up...yabber yabber at the register while the line grows on and on. I'm like..ok you can move now...ok move now! ok get out of the way now! It was ridiculous. Work is not bad tho. I was just confirmed today of my second job. I'm now officially working at both Payless and American Eagle. I'm lovin it! It's good stuff.

I have a feeling I won't be getting many xmas gifts this year. I just dont' have the money. I hope people understand. It's just been so hectic in finding a job. I'll just give them late xmas gifts that's all. No biggy.

I have to make this short for now. I have to get to bed so I can get up early to go to work in the morning. Lataz.

Pot sucks
12/06/2003 01:58 a.m.
Every single time I find a great friend, I have to find out that they do pot. I just don't understand what the big kicker to it is. Pot sucks, it's illegal, it's unhealthy and a waste of time. You stink from it, it stinks up the house. What the hell is it doing being a relaxation tool? It doesn't help you relax, it gets you high and kills your lungs and brain cells. My mother does it and that's the reason I do not go over to her house. I can't stand it and I never will. What kind of fun it is? Is it a new trend now? If you don't do pot you're not cool?! WTF people! Really....what the hell is the point? UGH! I just lost a great friend because he does pot. I don't want to be affiliated with anyone like that. I guess I'm too high class for people...whatever. I don't like it, I know people who don't use it. You want to be my friend, get off of the pot! Period!
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to Lite Piano (doesn't make sense does it?)

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Been Awhile
10/06/2003 07:37 p.m.
Hey y'all...I know it's been awhile but I have been very sick. Mono does a number on ya. I'm due to post more poetry up soon. I just have a huge game of catch up now. I'll write again soon. Take care all you crazy peeps out there.

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Woah
07/07/2003 02:32 a.m.

It's incredible how  a couple of days just is a change in they way you see your life. I know it's been a long time since I've been on here. I've had some really busy stuff on my hands for the last few months. Now theres time to see the light. It's summer now and it's time to beach it! Of course, the lucky one I am has classes...woohoo...

I will come back with more later. I just want to let you all know that I haven't dropped of the edge of the earth yet. Hehe

Surprise
03/28/2003 06:40 a.m.
So they meant it well..my friends gave me a good surprise tonight. Lasagna and cake and a whole lot of laughs. There were only 3 of them, but they were the 3 bestest buddies here to make things so much better. They are the best...I love you guys. :)
I am currently Merry

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Birthday Nightmare
03/25/2003 01:53 a.m.

I've never had a more terrible birthday in my life than what I had yesterday. I got a couple phone calls, I got a couple instant messages and one person came by and wished me a happy birthday. The thought of people coming over and giving me a hug or making my day so much better never happened. I sat here all day and waited for that.

On top of it all, I get one of my closest friends telling me that I should have invited him over to celebrate my birthday. I was here. I was going to be here. I just feel so low. He gave me the third degree. He made me feel that it was all my fault. He took my birthday and shattered any good that was in it. The day just fell. I held in tears last night. It was so hard. I felt like running away last night. My life has not been the same for a while. I can't or I don't feel that I can live the same as I once did. I don't feel I'll ever be happy again. I never want to see such an awful day again. My 21st birthday and it's all over. All alone. Never to be forgotten. Never to get a second chance.

Depressed? Multiply that by as much as you can think...make a mood for that and there I am. :(

Pain
03/18/2003 07:00 p.m.

Enjoying some unremarkable back pain today. Didn't sleep much last night and was forced to take the day off from work because I couldn't move. Doesn't that sound like a lot of fun. I've been to the Health Center twice today and was just given a prescription for a muscle relaxer....could this be fun or would I not be able to remember it? The concept to come by. It's been a long day and it's only 2.

Hurt.....closest one to OWWWWWWWWWW

Entity to Performance
03/10/2003 05:53 p.m.

Long time since I saw this thing. *blows off all the dust* It's been yet a while since my last post but alas I must write again. Not everything in Matty's little world has been spectacular in all ways of wonder.

I recently made the decision to pull some things out of my room (that's not my room anymore) that I need to put in a safer place due to the abusive party that has congregated to it. A freedom of one's stuff has been endangered and some in ways destroyed that were once of no value but meant a lot. I have arrangements to pull this stuff out immediately following this winter's bitterness. That will leave not much of anything left in that room but themselves.

I recently ran into a dilemma at work that I just can not understand. I have been taking Electronic Engineering for 3 years now, only to be placed in this job that has nothing to do with electronics. Granted, this is an electrical firm that I'm in but what I do does not entail much for what I learned these past 3 years. One if not both project managers are becoming upset with me because I haven't been my best the last couple weeks due to an infection running around rampid in school. I can't do their secretarial work for them because I'm not in. I don't feel that this position is worth carrying if I'm not going to be challenged with the work that I want to do that I have gone to school for. I feel that I've gotten people that are saying, take it because no one ever gets a job that they will like. Haha...I feel that I can and will have a job I like. I believe that people that do not like their jobs probably never went to school for that particular job in the first place. Or some people say....most beginners have to start somewhere. Well, I disagree because a few of my friends have top positions in their company. One walked into the company and became a project manager right off the spot. I don't find that very beginner-like. I feel that I am going to have a talk with my advisor here at school because this is not right that I would have such a displaced position in my college field.

I've been so tired that last 2 weeks and I'm not sure if it has to do with work or the stressed out factor. I've been wanting to get to the gym more and work out the stress that is built up inside me but I'm always too worn out from running around work like a chicken with it's head cut off. I don't feel that I will be able to any time soon. I have so much to vent off that it's getting to the point where it's just too late.

People seem to be seeing that I am an advantage to make myself feel like the lowest human alive. If I had some sort of something wrong with someone or just an opinion, they would turn it around and put it on me like it was all my fault. I'm probably not putting this the right way but that's how I feel. I don't feel that I'm doing things on purpose but feel that for a mistake that I do, it's like a war is going to break out over that one mistake. People make mistakes and a lot of people hold strong grudges against the people that do make the mistakes. I know what I want in my life and I feel that people just don't want that in me. I have strong goals and some days, people don't want me to be that strong. That's a good reason why I don't like going home anymore. I feel low because I'm stronger (mentally). I feel that I can withstand a good challenge, but when I'm there, because people may not be on the same level as me, I'm completely out of the picture. I don't want to make it seem selfish, but I want to put it in a perspective that I can be on some level with someone else and not feel "too smart" or "too bright" to be around someone. It always tends to happen and I just don't get it.

I feel that my life has taken a sharp turn. Not necessarily for the bad, but not for the better either. It seems that things have changed in the last couple of months that I feel has left an incredible mark on my life as a whole. I'll be 21 in two weeks and it just boggles my mind on how much information, how much change and how many things can happen in 21 years. Those of you who know me may understand this. Others who know me only on here may understand it from their point of view but for what has gone on in my life, could be different. Although everyone has had a difficulty in their life to speak about so I'd rather not put myself in the position that I'm more special than others because I have more problems. That's not my intention. Just as a general statement, a lot has happened in 21 years and I feel that that 21 years held the most change that took place for my whole life. I don't see much change in my life as I have in the past 21 years. It should all be smooth sailing with the occasional wind drifts to toss me a bit. But all and all, a good ride is expected.

Well, that's about it for now. A lot to fill. I have to start brainstorming some poetry ideas. I haven't written in a while so I better get crackin.

The Sunday Peeve
01/19/2003 07:29 p.m.
I just don't understand fire alarms. When they go off, everyone is supposed to evacuate the building. But for some odd, crazy, messed up reason, RA's are allowed to remain in the building to stay warm. It's like they have the right to stay warm and torture the rest of us. Students are students; people are people. It does not matter who you are, you evacuate the building when a fire alarm goes off. I did mind the fact that it does go off but I feel more anger toward the fact that they can remain inside and yell at students who also want to stay warm too. There is no higher seat. There is no first class. You keep the students in line, not keep yourselves warm. Come outside with the rest of us and be tortured as well. It angers me to even be associated with people that think it's funny to do such an evil thing. I don't approve of that. I guess it's nice to say that if they remain inside during a fire alarm, I can cover it up in my suite and go back to bed while it is going off. That sounds like a plan. It's the same thing. I hope people read this because I'm very very very very angry.....
I am currently Angry

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Positions
12/31/2002 04:16 p.m.

I had a difficult week trying to handle so much at one time, but it paid off because everything seems like it is turning around for the better. Yesterday, I had my co-op interview and got the job right on the spot. It makes me feel good that I have the attitude to get out there and do what I have to do. I was happy.

My buddies have been there for me. D, A, D and P. You guys are the best. Keep smiling! :)

I hope everyone has a spectacular New Year celebration tonight. Don't drink too much and drive safely.

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