asd
11/05/2003 03:32 a.m.
My son was diagnosed with autism yesturday.  it seams surreal even as I write it.  i felt this empty pit in my stomach yesturday, like I just wanted to sit alone and cry.  I felt like all the dreams that I had for him were all clouded.  I know that my angel will be okay. my whole perspective on my life changed.
I am currently Detached

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f'ed up
09/10/2003 04:31 a.m.
I feel absoluley screwed.  I have been taking a new BCP for six weeks and have been feeling like I am totally in a state of depression and anxiety.  I was researching on it today and found out that certiain pills cause total anxiety and over emotionalness.  I WILL NOT talk any more and I can't wait for it to go away!!
I am currently Troubled
I am listening to my computer crunching

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Life is odd
07/23/2003 07:43 p.m.
Wow so much has happened in the last week.  My son was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome and executive dysfunction, I spend every last penny on my credit cards and line of credit on a Harley, I quite smoking six days ago (I was down to smoking only 5 a day anyway), my Dad and his favourite daughter (my sister Tracy) are on the outs for the first time since I can remeber.  They are both the two most stubborn people I have met in my life and because we never know how much longer my dad has I have this yearning to fix everything......... my hot water tank flooded my mud room and kitchen and I am having twenty women over for a shower/stagette in a few days and I am incredibly cranky.  I hate to whine but I sure feeling like whining,  or maybe drinking some wine...
I am currently Troubled
I am listening to the big huge turbo fans that are drying my kitchen floor

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laughing at myself
06/02/2003 04:47 a.m.
I am sitting here laughing at myself..I was going through the differnt folders to put my poems in and I passed a clown one and I had to look away and change it quickly. How funny is that! I am a 26 year old women who gets scared of a tiny cartoon picture of a clown! That totally cracks me up. I do have a major fear of clowns..long story.... it just make me feel well um..."pathetic" lol
I am currently Giddy

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bummed out
05/28/2003 01:43 a.m.
I hate that feeling like I just put my foot in my mouth. I never mean any harm. I just try and support my friends and have a strenth/weakness to absorb there pain and my to sympathic with whomever I am speaking to. I don't want to feel like I need to choose....but I can't deny my instincts... It's so hard to tell when they are wrong or if they are right.
I am currently Bummed

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JACOB
05/21/2003 04:22 p.m.
Jacob, my hero, my angel, I hope everything will be okay. I just found out that my oldest son might has Asperger's which is a form of autism but way less servere. I ache for my strong beautiful son. He has been through so much and has the most gentle heart of anyone I know. I hope whatever is wrong with him that we can work through it so that he can be the successful person that I know that he can be. We get the final info on June 24th.


I am currently Helpless

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the stollen cat
05/21/2003 04:19 p.m.
Shay-anne fell in love with and stole a cat. It is a beautiful cat and lets her tote it around and feed it and wrap it up in blankets. She keeps saying "I'm so happy I have a kitty" and I have to kee reminding her that it's not our cat!! Every morning when we wake up the kitty is there, every day when we get home from work the kitty is there. Maybe it's kinda adopted us to!
I am currently Cheerful

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last night
04/20/2003 08:58 p.m.

you pissed my off so much last night. I don't want to remember you as an asshole, don't ever make me feel like I have to take sides. I was so frustrated and then I read these notes you wrote for me for our writing and I want to bawl my eyes out because I realize you are just this fragile person with all these insecurities and complexities.

(speaking about my dad)

great day
04/18/2003 09:09 p.m.
It's friday - I'm NOT at work:) I bought a degu today for the kids. they are kind of like a mixture between a chinchilla and a giant gerbil kinda. I absolutely love her. Jake races dirt bikes all weekend. I get so worried with my little guy out there :( On saturday I get to go to Saratoga Speedway OPENING NIGHT!! Yee haw! I love spending that time at the track!!
I am currently Cheerful

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not sunny, not rainy
04/12/2003 09:54 p.m.
Exhausted today. Had to drink two cups of oohlong to keep me functioning. Mowed the negleted knee highted lawn and played outside with the kids. They collected bugs in jars and then my five year old came in and said I thought it would be the right thing to do to set them free.
I am so proud.
:)
I am currently Content

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