I was to go to my Doctor: 8th Jan, 2002.
01/10/2002 05:34 p.m.
I was to go to my doctor. The appointment was for 6pm. I started from my office at 5.30, well in time, but got stuck up in traffic jam and had to take a by lane which conveniently lead me to my house. I arrived at my house at 8.pm, a thirty minutes drive from my office.
My fixing up of appointment with my ophthalmologist was a positive step in my wanting to see him. The causes were there which made me decide to go and the effect was that I drove in the direction of my doctor’s clinic. (I was the active force/factor). The Doctor I believe was in his clinic at the appointed time (he was the passive force/factor) but in the absence of the reconciling force, we failed to meet. The missing reconciling factor did not allow this happening (accident) to eventuate. The reconciling force, the conducive situation, which would let me be in the space and time, the passive force was. The ACCIDENT could only have HAPPENED when the ACTIVE and the PASSIVE FORCE meets in the RECONCILING FORCE. All these three factors have to meet for any happening/accident to eventuate.
There has to be a cause for every factor/force to exist/effect. The Doctor had a chain of causes to be there. I too had a chain of causes to go and go to the doctor I was going to. The traffic jam was not a conducive situation, which could lead me to the same space and time I was to be in. As a matter of fact the traffic jam wasn’t without cause. The effect of which took me into another direction by converting into a cause. Every effect turns in to a cause for yet another effect. The cause effected by the traffic jam lead me to my house instead of the Doctor’s clinic. What one experience in present is always the effect of the causes from the past? The causes are always in the past. As a matter of fact the past is the cause. And since the present doesn’t remain a present no sooner it happens to be present the effect turns into a cause. Hence every effect will turn into a cause no sooner the effect becomes a past experience. And it becomes no sooner we experience it. This also means that one should be careful in letting the effect eventuate. Can this be done? Yes, certain undoing can do this. But this is another issue, which I don’t want to deal with right now.
I got into some kind of an altercation with a friend of mine after I arrived home. Whatever the causes (though I can think of many) my approach, my attitude, my behavior pattern wasn’t good. It was bad and negative.
The moment I realized that I was (some times I do realize while I am in the heat of the moment but you feel helpless since its very difficult to handle the emotional charge that too when the charge is negative) bad. I decided then and there that I would not go to the doctor unless my eye gets really bad and there’s a real danger. The constant burning, pain and the itching will keep on reminded of my bad behavior. This reminder will help me not behave like this again. (There’s no guarantee though that this will not be repeated but constant reminders like this helps. This is a process)
The cause which was leading me to the Doctor lead me to decide to not to go to the Doctor..

I am currently Detached

Comments (0)

I picked up smoking again: December 29th, 2001.
12/29/2001 04:48 a.m.
I picked up smoking again after a lapse of almost sixteen months. There are two reasons for this. One is that I needed an immediate escape route and secondly I was of the opinion that my giving up of smoking did not serve the purpose I had intended to give it up for.
I had given up smoking for two reasons. One is that I was intensely in need of some thing to get into a constant conflict with and cigarette was the best thing I thought since this self of mine had built up associations with virtually every thing, person, place, shape, color, sound and moods. I knew that every object of association will remind me of smoking and my decision of not smoking shall get me in to a conflict with my habit of smoking (so to say), which shall remind me of the suggestion I gave to my self while giving up smoking and that this will enable me to remember myself and my resolve. This intended self of mine will thus win all the associations (and they were numerous) I had with smoking. This process will help me de-energize my smoking self and in the process this will help me attain some unity within.
But despite giving up smoking I failed to gain what I had intended, since all through the conflict I remained PASSIVE and the momentum of the process of my journey towards ONENESS was lost. There were various other reasons, which became real barriers.
The second reason which as a matter of fact was to be the part of the effect of the first reason was to gain control. Smoking, because I can’t give it up and not smoking, because of the fear that I shall pick this habit again, tantamount to the same. There’s no control. I want a state where in I want the control. If I want to smoke I shall smoke. If I don’t want to I shall not. I don’t want the Cigarette to smoke me. I don’t want the non-smoking to smoke me. The oneness with in alone can provide me this control since I shall have just one self
The moment I decided to pick up smoking again I also decided to give it up again once my need for an escape route subsides. I am thoroughly used to smoking and once my smoking self reestablishes his association I shall give it up again, slowly and this time, ACTIVELY so that this giving up serves my purpose and that purpose is not just giving up smoking for the sake of giving up. Smoking or no smoking, both are same if you do not have any control. What difference my smoking will make if I am DEAD and I smoke. Its better to be ALIVE and smoke. But once you are ALIVE you have the control. At least an INTENT.

I am currently Alienated

Comments (0)

Writers Block- 28th 0f december, 2001.
12/28/2001 05:57 a.m.
Doug has desired to have my views on the Writers Block. How am I to respond when I am, right now, suffering from this so-called Writers Block?
The lack of those impressions, which can evoke those selves of mine, who are keen on writing, holds me from picking up pen and writing pad. The lack of those impressions, which can open energy accumulators that commences inflow of those data’s, which will form material for my writing, holds me from picking them up and giving a shape. My external is not permitting me to BE and concentrate on those data’s. Nor I am in a ‘mood’ owing to either the LAW OF CHANGE (Boredom) or because of, as said, lack of conducive vibrations.
Writing is an event; hence it is subject to the LAW OF ACCIDENT, which is subject to the LAW OF THREE, which is SUBJECT TO the LAW OF CAUSE AND EFFECT, which is subject to the LAW OF CHANGE, which is subject to all the OTHER LAWS. When the THREE FORCES (necessary for the accident to happen), the ACTIVE, the PASSIVE meets in the RECONCILING force, then only this ACCIDENT can take place.
I am the ACTIVE FORCE since its me who wants to write, its me who wants to hold a pen and a writing pad in his hands and this ‘I’, the active force is non existent for want of associations which can energize this self of mine. My MECHANICAL CENTER, which provides me material for writing, picking it up from the stored data’s, is the PASSIVE FORCE, which again is non-existent for want of sufficient and suitable impressions for want of the associations. This alone will supply me with the necessary data’s for my writing.
My emotional center is the RECONCILING FORCE without which my writing will never take shape of a creative work. This creative work will take yet another dimension when my intuitive center will link it self with all my other center and become one of the reconciling forces. The quality will improve many folds.
The point is as to how can I come out of this so-called writers block? The only way that I know is this:
Start living from MOMENT TO MOMENT in continuity. Stick to your ATTENTION and let your ATTENTION stick to the MOMENT PRESENT. This state of being is capable of assembling all the three forces for the accident to eventuate. Mind it, linking of at least three of our centers is necessary for any ‘creative work’: The INTELLECTUAL CENTER, who does the physical labor of writing apart from the work of an architect and structural engineer, the mechanical center provides us with necessary data’s from our stored memories which forms the ‘writing material’ and the EMOTIONAL CENTER which refines our writing with its refined energies. Our INTUTIVE CENTER too can play a real creative role but it is very difficult since one ought to have those kind of impressions and it needs a very hard work on ones self. This center is capable of taking you to different layers of awareness, where you can SEE the same SCENE differently (interestingly this is the center which keeps on pumping our heart- ha ha ha ). There’s one more center, which can become one of the RECONCILING FORCE but its better left alone because it can be destructive too- ha ha ha. It’s very difficult to handle the energies being used by this center. Yes, this is our SEXUAL CENTER. This can be used but only by transforming these energies into SPIRITUAL ENERGIES. This center will transform your mind and all your other centers will start consuming these energies. Imagine a crude center like intellectual center consuming such a refined energy as sexual energies. Ha ha ha
In any case, I would like to suggest a writing exercise to all those who are interested and who happen to read this piece. This exercise will definitely help you establish link between your three centers necessary for creative writing to take place.
Your hands will establish this link in the course of this exercise. And as far as impressions are concerned, this exercise will evoke dead impressions and infuse life in to them.
Keep a writing pad and a pen handy, when you go to bed everyday. The first thing that you ought to do in the morning, when you wake up, is to write down the very first thought/ word that comes to your mind and let that thought/word lead you to where it can lead you. Don’t mind if it doesn’t work in the begining. Keep on writing what ever comes to mind, without any force.
Your hands are capable of establishing the link.
Remember your WRITING IS HERE AND NOW. Only you are not here. Assemble your self and simply walk in to the space of time to gather your writing. AMNESS is capable of defying the law of BOREDOM (change); when it’s due to take its toll.

I am currently Clueless

Comments (0)

December 13th, 2001
12/15/2001 05:08 a.m.
The Master walked into my consciousness while I was driving back from my office. He normally walks in while I am driving. I, normally succeed in knocking his doors when I am driving. Rest of the time (and this is almost all the time) I am knocked out by my own siblings.
Once, I remember, he walked in unannounced and simply started dictating poems, while I was driving. Obviously, I thought I would jot down when I shall arrive at my office. But, once sat to jot down I was knocked out again. Next day, I thought it wise to keep a cassette recorder handy while I was driving. He obliged dictating me twenty poems in one go in hardly any time. I made it a point and continued keeping the recorder handy whenever I drove, for almost six month. He refused to appear, at least, while I was driving. I think it was me became conscious of the recorder and this consciousness killed the consciousness, a necessary space in the time for him to arrive. Well, I decided to discontinue keeping the recorder, while driving. He recommenced walking in, though the frequency reduced to almost nil.
He walked in yesterday after a long time. He normally would never walk in when I am in a CROWD SITUATION. And he walked in while I was driving back home in the evening, which is rare, since I normally return tired and dejected.
We directly got into conversation, which again is exceptional. Normally, none of us speaks. Its also not possible for me to jot down my perceptions/realizations my being senses in his presence. Sometimes he would open few doors, for me to have a glimpse, in the fifth dimension. Most of the time I would SEE and forget when back to my normal level of so-called awareness, when he is gone.
Yesterday it was me who initiated the dialoguing by posing him a question. A question I knew the answer. I did this on intention for clarity for a close person. I asked him as to why He teaches me differently then he teaches others. ‘ As you know’- he quipped- ‘I have two sets of teachings, and its so obvious, you cant have the same set of teachings for standard one and graduates. Though, there’s hardly anyone who can jump from level one to the other level, because then you have to really jump from one level to the other, undoing what you have been taught at that level and trying and trying incessantly to break the bounds of that level. Well, you just have to INTENT to cross the boundaries and you are in the other level trying to break the bounds.
This is the reason- he added- I teach them discipline, so that they can live a happy social life and justify the purpose of their creation. But those like me, who INTENTS to jump out of these bounds, choose them to BE, I teach differently. I teach them how to BE and SEE and HOW TO BECOME ONE IN ORDER TO ATTAIN WILL. What would you do if you have to teach an ANT COLONY, ashok, he suddenly asked? Can you teach them in your language the stuff I teach you? Can you really communicate with them? Can you make them understand the real knowledge? the unknowable? Can you make them jump the walls? They are all creation of the laws which is what they would be required to defy and this isn’t possible since nature survives on them so far they stick to the laws and process the precious energies the nature feeds on. They have no chance. Individual can strive and find an opening. An individual has no importance in the larger scheme of things. Nature would not care if one or two jumps the wall. ‘Like you jumped’ I said. We both laughed.
He walked out, while I was honking for my guard to open the gates of my house. I entered my house with this question nagging me. What would I do if I have to teach an ant colony? And how would I answer if a member of the ant colony asked me as to the authenticity and wisdom of the other level of teaching?
I would simply Vanish, I thought. They are not capable of any message, unless they choose them selves to BE.

I am currently Calm

Comments (0)

December 1st, 2001
12/15/2001 05:05 a.m.
I am suffering from a disease. My realization says that I inherited this with my genetic codes. Its like my basic urge, WILL TO SURVIVAL (Freudian and Adlerian and Franklian might dispute and claim what Freud or Adler or Frankl claimed as to the basic human urge, but well for clarity I want to add that Pleasure, power or meaning can be different manifestations of this basic urge of will to survival. Imagine a stress situation- fight or flight- and one would know what’s the basic urge). Interestingly this disease is opposite of this basic urge of WILL TO SURVIVAL (holy cow, I want to laugh out loud- I am also remembering somebody with love and affection) and I would happily name it DEATH INSTINCT.
Yes, I have inherited this disease and I believe that its part of those DNA codes along with that basic urge of survival.
It’s a paradoxically state and the beauty is that this is what is keeping me alive and I am still not a dead soul with or without a soul.
The beauty of the disease is that this always gives you an impression of living.
I don’t mind living this disease, the death instinct, because this alone I feel can fill my life and being with every thing beautiful provided I am prepared and if I become capable of fighting this disease that is living this disease from moment to moment, I should be able to perpetuate this realization of this disease, I would be living. Unfortunately the problem is that invariable the disease lives you (considering other case histories) and by the time one realizes of its presence (which normally no body) and try to control it, it’s a bit late. Late because you are so full of this DEATH INSTINCT that you just cannot hold your run towards death. It’s invariably late (this is based purely on my experience).
As a matter of fact it’s always late.
It’s a disease, which I believe, knowledgeable named it as ‘KAUNDABUFFER’, a buffer between our lives and us. And which the knowledgeable claimed that the idiots misinterpreted as accumulators of energies, the spring coil of energies- the legendary KUNDALINI. (With change of mouth how a life taking disease becomes life giver- ha ha ha )



I am currently Affectionate

Comments (0)

november 30th, 2001
11/30/2001 03:08 a.m.
I am ‘I’ at the moment and unhappy. This is invariably normal, when I get up in this ‘I’, in the morning. Invariably, I am in this ‘I’, when I get up. (Though for a moment or two, some times). How can this ‘I’ be happy? He is weak and needs CHARGE. My STOPPING and writing will provide him some CHARGE but how long will the CHARGE last? Our MACHINE (the system- centers, their functions etc) is so made that if left to operate on its own (which it does all the time owing to the externals, subject to the laws) it will exhaust all kind of energies. The intellectual center (which is bloody- oh! I am getting desperately angry- ha! ha!- because of the associations) is not capable of intentionally thinking for even one minute on any given subject (we invariably think mechanically, owing to defective working of our MACHINE). Our Intellectual center consumes our mechanical energies meant for car driving. Ha! Ha! Ha! (This energy is finer than the so-called intellectual energies). Out intellectual center has become so used to finer energies that not only it thinks mechanically, consuming mechanical energies (but well, there’s no dearth of this energies, we keep on refilling it, INTUTIVELY, with every breathe we inhale), it also consumes our little precious ‘emotional’ energies, mostly in self pity, anger and hatred and none the less, it also consumes sexual energies by way of thinking about, imagining and projecting sexual desires, its nothing but a commonly committed criminal waste of this spiritual energy. Ha! Ha! Ha!
What do I do? This unhappiness is sort of a perennial unhappiness but only so far I am in this ‘I’, lacking energies. I shall be in the ‘labyrinth of escape roots’ in some time now. I shall be in the ‘stream’, moving aimlessly. A moment here, a moment there, depending mainly on the law of accident clubbed with the law of cause and effect clubbed with the other various laws including the law of change, and forget about this unhappiness. I will be happy or unhappy for different reasons depending upon associations and associated selves. You bloody nature (Mother nature ha! ha! ha!), what are you doing to me? There cannot be a nature without a mechanism and there cannot be mechanism without the laws. And one cannot attain any thing unless one defies the laws. How can one be liberated unless one jumps the walls of the prison? And what is a prison without the laws of the prison?
We are part of this nature
This mechanism
And the laws.
How do you defy them all?
How do you defy the nature, your mother
How do you defy the mechanism, you experience the mechanism with?
How do you jump these unseen heights of this infinite prison?
How do you do that?

But I want to jump these invisible walls. And I lack energies. And I am unhappy.
My unhappiness is the only proof of my being ALIVE. At least at this moment.



I am currently Unhappy

Comments (0)

November 23rd, 2001
11/23/2001 03:58 a.m.
I got up with a feeling of guilt, just now.
I had committed Anne that I would write few lines elucidating the exact idea of my poem-‘Every ascending step is a barrier’. This prick of my conscience did not stop here. Associations brought almost every guilt to the fore, which have pricked me, some time or the other, in the course of my life. I remembered many of my recent commitments, I have made to my fellow poets, of letting them know of my views of their poems, of writing them a brief note on certain aspects of certain phenomenon. The associations also reminded me with guilt of my failure to respond to many situations, as I should have. The associations also brought back to the fore my guilt of dumping a cat from an unbelievable height when I was too young to understand what guilt is. The cat lived despite the drop and Thanks to her it made me ‘live’, thought with the guilt and because of guilt. I am grateful to that cat of my childhood. I am happy that she did not die. She helped me evolve a ‘soul’ in me. Let everybody know that soul is not your birthright. It has to be evolved. I am happy that I have a soul. A dead soul, is it?
Well, the words are coming to me. Anne Howe, please let me have your attention for a while.



A SCENE
I see from one layer of awareness
Is a SCENE
So different on the other
My ascend turns descend
My descend becomes ascend.

There’s an ‘I’
Who sees an ascend as ascend
And rejoices
There’s another
Who SEES the ascend as DESCEND
‘I’ am this
This very moment
‘I” am another, the very next.

Every event is related to every event
The bad leading to the good
The ascend leads to the descend
The descent becoming ascend

Let the process of education go on
Let us ascend to the unseen heights
Let the process of de-educationing continue with the process of education
Let not any step become barrier to another step.


PS:
Anne Howe, you are a courageous woman. And absolutely unassuming. You have a quest. And I am so happy for you.
Jd, and aja and Jackie and every one of you, whom I have committed anything, please bear with me for some time. My external disturbances are the cause of my internal disturbance, not allowing me to act or react the way I want to.

I am currently Detached

Comments (0)

november 17th, 2001
11/17/2001 02:51 p.m.
Last three days had been quite boring. This was the first thought I found lingering in my skull when I got up this morning. The total out put in terms of Pleasure, Power (Charge) and meaning worked out to be a big zero, when I worked out without working out. I am sitting here and wondering (it’s just an expression because I don’t think I really ever wonder) as to why did I allow this to happen, as to why did I allow these three days to end up in being so boring.
I had, as usual, earmarked half of my targeted lifetime’s work for these three days.

I targeted
Half of my journey
In the ensuing three days
But at the end of these
I found myself
Roaming in the escape routes
In my yesterdays.

The question is, why did this happen? The answer lies in the question arising out of the question and the question is that why did I allow this to happen? Another question arising out of this question is that if this was a happening, where was ‘I’ and if there was an ‘I’, was it a genuine ‘I’?
The answer lies again in the question. Need less to say that an ‘I’ means an ‘I’. A real ‘ I’ means a real ‘I’, a self-created ‘I’ (contrary to the ‘I’ created accidentally by external influences) who can be a true representative of our Being (as a matter of fact when personality merges into the essence and they both merge into this ‘I”, this ‘I’ alone exists and becomes the epitome of a true WILL). Undisputedly, this real ‘I’ is also an out come of external influence, but this ‘I’ is created in the process of a thought process and has not been begotten in the evolutionary process, accidentally, This is created by a real doing that is Undoing and is not an out come of any happening. This ‘I’ is always intentional.

Well, despite all the philosophizing, I can still justify (as we always do) my non-doing in the last three days.
What can one expect from a person devoid of any kind of fulfillment, living in a constant fear. This fear, because of a constant feeling of helplessness, has transformed into a void. yes, I am full of void. (The only source, which could have filled this void, has blocked the outflow bound by its own situation. Though the source has been kind enough to ask me to see it vibrating and assume the transmission of fulfillment and I do see it vibrating though a bit subdued, but those vibrations don’t reach me because they are intentionally blocked. It vibrates but it’s not being transmitted) My justification is that one tends to become passive in such a void. My justification is that one tends to become disinterested in such a void. My justification is that one tends to become indifferent in such a void.
But despite my justifications, the fact remains that I WAS NOT and I did nothing because I WAS NOT. My passive presence was as good as being absent. I was bored because of the happenings /absence of any happening (non happening is an happening from nature’s point of view since the factors effecting happening/non-happening are the same). The point is why did I leave it to happen? The point is if there was an ‘I’ what was it doing/ undoing? The point is that what was ‘I’ doing/undoing to undo the happening/non-happening?


I can justify my passivity, my absence in so many ways. But the fact shall remain that I WAS NOT and I failed to DO any thing to counter my absence. What is important is my presence. How does it matter if I was absent on a Monday or a Friday, if I was absent? How does it matter if I was absent at my work place or at home or at a theater, if I was absent. How does it matter if Monday was a holiday and Friday a long day if I was absent?
I remember my nagual’s counter part reminding me to return to the basics. Yes, I should have remembered that, remembered to remember that reminder from my Nagual’s counterpart:

Return to the basics-
She said- when you are adrift
And the basics say-
Be here and now
Moment to moment.

Whenever you are here
This moment
There would be a ‘you’
And a you
Pitted against ‘you’
There would be a conflict
Inevitable
Let the war go on
You know who is to win.

Return to the basics-
She said-when you are weak
And the basics say-
Be here and now
Moment to moment.

The basics are adroit enough of
Making you ascend heights invisible
The basics are masters of
Creating oneness inside
The basics are skilful in
Healing the injuries and pain
The basics are competent of
Pulling you out from certain death

Return to the basics-
She said- when you fall
The basics will provide you
Energies to climb back again

Basics say- be here and now
Moment to moment.



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


The basics are here
And there cannot be a now
Without a here
The fear cannot touch you here
The death cannot kill you now.

Return back to the basics
When ever you do not have any place to go.







I should have known that I can’t fill emptiness with the emptiness. But when one is left with nothing but emptiness the only course is to become one with the emptiness as if one is the emptiness. One can thus fill the emptiness with one’s presence. Why did I fail in filling emptiness with my presence? I shall not fail, I know, if I will stop hating Fridays. I shall not fail, I know,if I will stop describing days as boring.
I will become capable of fulfilling emptiness with the presence if I will return back to the basics,as my nagual’s counter part suggested.
I am feeling better now.

I am currently Detached

Comments (0)

November 15th, 2001
11/15/2001 01:52 p.m.
I had five meals yesterday. Two were normal - breakfast and lunch, both at home. The last three were with in a span of two hours. These meals were part of a ritual, I go through every year, on this very day of Hindu festival of Deepawali (Diwali). After witnessing a POOJA, at my office, in the early evening hours, I visit all of my three aunts, residents of this very town. And shall have dinner with them, which they know I will, along with my family, without any confirmation on either’s part, every year. I have been following this routine every year, ever since I have been living in this town, that is, since last eighteen years.
Interestingly the food they serve is more or less the same, item wise and quality wise. A typical Rajasthani (north Indian) meal, extremely rich. I try not to over eat. But for a frugal eater like me, despite my endeavor to not to over eat, I end up eating more than twice my normal diet.
While receiving my family and me they will initiate the dialogues in the same manner they have been since last eighteen years. We shall exchange the same dialogues we have been exchanging for the last eighteen years.
They would invariably ask me if I was coming from the office after performing the POOJA (knowing well that it is so). Then they will complaint for the poor quality of the over all celebration in the current year as compared to the last and I will invariably and immediately agree. They will throw some light on the reasons for the poor quality of celebration, which again I will immediately agree. Its here they will offer me dinner (which they know I will accept) and I will accept (knowing well that they know I will eat with them). While we are having dinner they will complaint of my not visiting them any other time in the course of the year except on this particular evening. I would simply say that they were justified in their complaint and henceforth I shall visit them more (which they know I would not). This complaint of them would always upset my schedule (time table) since I shall have to extend my stay with them by another five minutes (and this is again part of my schedule) which we shall spent in complete silence, as if no dialogues were written for this extended period of the drama since this was the improvisation done by the actors at the spur of the moment. Finally I will seek their leave committing to come back again before the end of the year (which I will not be keeping up, which they know without knowing).
This evening of the year is so insipid, meaningless and ritualistic. But we, despite this fact, all the players of this drama, keep on playing our roles. WHY?
As far as I am concerned, I am trying to maintain the only contact I have with these families, my aunt’s (my fathers sisters) in order to not to hurt my fathers feelings and annoy my other family members. This is the minimal contact I shall have to maintain in order to not to have this non issue (my point of view) to become an issue in my family. As far as they are concerned, I think, their whole life is ritualistic. Every thing in their life seems so ritualistic, fixed and predetermined that some times I am compelled to think that they are no more than a machine (and I am not being philosophical right now).
While returning from my aunt’s house I remembered, one of my Uncles, many years ago, while praising knowledge, asked me- how does one become a good Hindu?
That day, some how I managed to divert his attention from this incomplete question, a question, which can lead you to many impossible questions. While returning home that day, I did ponder on this question. I pondered on the same question while returning home yesterday.
How does one become a good Hindu?
How does one become a good Christian? How does one become a good father? How does one become a good son? A good this? A good that? Etc.
If I had responded to him that day I would have definitely said- no, one cannot, unless one learns how to become ONE
And interestingly the answer lies in the question it self.
How does one become a good Hindu?
The answer is that one has to first become ONE.
And once one becomes ONE, one becomes good and once one become good one is not needed to become anything because one then becomes capable of becoming everything. One would have transcended the dividing lines. One would then have transcended the narrow concept of good and bad.
If the need be, If the situation demanded one will be able to play the role of a good Hindu, a good Christian, a good father, a good son, a good anything.
With the attainment of inner unity one becomes capable of playing any role. A genuine role and not a drama.
With changing selves, changing moods, and all the law in operation, one can never become a good Hindu or a good Christian or a good father or a good son or a good anything.
One is needed to become ONE in order to become good everything.
Oh! Fools of the paradise, wake up.



I am currently Disillusioned

Comments (0)

November 13th, 2001
11/14/2001 11:05 a.m.
I am feeling provoked. There isn’t any immediate cause of this provocation. It’s a thought that they all feel provoked when I present, whatever little I have gathered, walking through the doors of perception. They feel threatened. They feel as if I am attacking their faith. They attack me, feeling provoked.
I am not a follower of any prescribed path. Truth has to BE. It cannot have a path. SEEING should be the only action needed. But unfortunately all the propounders of the all the paths stipulate blindness and not SEEING. SEEING is liberation. How can the advocates of the jail ask you to defy the laws of the prison? Ironically, the inmates of the jails are not aware that they are in a jail.
I am a loner in this big jail and probably the only prisoner who knows that this is a jail and I must defy the laws of the jail in order to attain liberation. Those who attained this liberation obviously knew that the other inmates of the jail could never know that this is jail nor they are capable of defying the laws of the jail. Those who could influence the inmates, laid rules for good conduct.

A perpetual feeling that you are alone and not being able to share your perceptions for being misunderstood is like living under a constant threat. I feel more irked than provoked. Its ok, this can only be my fate, I think and thus justify my state. I must keep on struggling and defying laws. The advocates of the jail would keep on sending me to the hell and I know If I succeed I will be out of this hell, this jail, by jumping the walls.
This loneliness is irksome and may be this is the reason that I always used to wish a fellow traveler. Besides I always wanted to feel committed towards my target, which was the high wall of this prison. Once I had a fellow traveler who abandoned the journey before we could really board the train.
I am, as usual, a lonely SEEKER, now on this pathless path.

I am still feeling provoked. I am feeling provoked that they feel provoked. How can they think that I can attack somebody’s faith? How can they imagine that I am capable of snatching their crutches? I normally talk in a matter of factly tone when I feel provoked or when irked.
They are capable of murdering me but they will not do this so far they know I am a lone voice. The history of these propounders of ALL GOOD and ALL GOD is the history of blood- shed, persecution and annihilation. They all preach tolerance and they cannot tolerate any body that wishes to SEE, who wishes to KNOW. They cannot even tolerate other propounders following different paths.
After all knowing is what is already known.

One, who knows, what other knows, knows
One who knows, that the other knows, knows
Knowing is, what is already known.


What is there to know? What is there to question?
They know everything. You just follow. They know better.

One who knows better
Knows better
Cause you know
He knows better
Cause you know
What he knows better.

Incidentally they all know and know better. But why are they intolerant?
Because they are close minds. They SEE nothing and claims to KNOW. How can one KNOW without SEEING? How can one SEE without BEING. I am wondering.
I am still feeling provoked. Irksome, to be precise. And I am wondering.

They know and they cannot SEE a simple reality that ‘ Islam is the greatest religion because I am born in a Moslem family.” Why can’t they SEE as to why can’t a Protestant become a Catholic? Why can’t they SEE that if he was born a catholic he couldn’t have become a protestant.
He doesn’t even know that when the SEEING and the SEEN are separate, SEEING is subject to the limitations of the SEER. Hence there can never be an objective truth. They don’t even know that truth has to be pathless. Hence one shall have to keep on SEEING. Hence one will have to be in a state of constant wakefulness. Oh! FOOLS of this earth, why can’t you SEE? Why don’t you try to SEE? Why are you against SEEING? Why do you preach BLINDNESS?
But they are in majority despite their differences and numerous paths. And what is common is normal. And what is normal is acceptable and full proof. Blindness is full proof. Blindness is the first condition of SEEING. One shall have to blind one self in order to SEE. Oh! How do I close my eyes, you Blinds of this earth? You are demanding too much from me. And I have no proof to produce in support of the fact that you are all blinds. After all they are in majority. What is common is normal. How would you communicate with the ANT COLONY? How would you proof before an ANT that they are nothing but ANTS. Because, if one understands the laws one knows that an ANT is as big to an ANT as big a MAN is to a MAN. I am feeling desperate. I am feeling helpless. This is so nonsensical. Why do they behave like a fool, particularly the one who has experienced a bit, one who has seen a bit, the one who knows a bit? One who has seen and known and experienced, why can’t he/she know that it’s just conditioning, it’s some of our conditioned self scaring us. This is a meaningless question. A meaningless hope. Yes, a shattered hope.
The point is why am I hopeful? Why? Because you saw a chance? Why? because you thought this was the only chance? Why? Because you were a big failure and you wanted one straw, a lifeline to justify that everything hasn’t been lost yet?
There can never be an objective truth. It’s as simple as any simple thing. When there’s a SEER and when there’s a SEEN how can the SEEN be objective. The SCENE will change with the SEER, his angle, and his state of mind. SEER has to be the part of the SEEN. Truth has to be pathless. Since TRUTH is WHAT IS, which has to be WHAT IS. It can never be a path leading you in one direction as opposed to another path. Why can’t they SEE this? Incidentally every one of them is a potential Bin Laden, the epitome of intolerance and they even do not know this. Can they see this potential in them? Bin laden's are born out of them, because of them. They all preach love and practice hate. They preach hate in disguise of love. They are dividing lines and all dividing lines are lead to hatred and violence.
Technical evolution has taught them to use exotic creams and beautiful clothes. Cars and aircrafts, holding them from behaving like savages. But they have all the potential despite the beautiful creams and clothes. They feel provoked and I feel irksome.
No doubt they use beautiful words, so far they are optimistic. But when it comes to their subjective interests, the landlord remains a landlord refusing to think or behave like a tenant. A tenant will refuse to see from a tenant’s point of view. Hindu will remain a Hindu. Moslem a Moslem. Hindu will kill a Moslem. Moslem will kill a Hindu. They will still kill each other if Moslem was born Hindu and Hindu a Moslem. Their position might change, they will not change. This earth will always be ruled my parrots.
Can these parrots ever SEE beyond those beautiful words, part of their personality (and not their essence). Why is a Moslem a Moslem? Cant they SEE that a Moslem is a Moslem because a Christian is a Christian and every Moslem or a Christian or a Hindu or a Jew is a potential Bin laden and there’s no difference between a Bin laden or… take any name.
This is only because there are PARROTS AND PAROTS AND PARROTS.
I feel ashamed. Though I have learned to hide my shame. But what do I do when I feel threatened? Where do I go? Will somebody tell me if an INDIVIDUAL has a place in this world full of parrots? Help me. I am feeling threatened.

I am still feeling provoked. I am also feeling tired.






I am currently Tired

Comments (0)

Next 10 Entries - Previous 10 Entries