Somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow
03/29/2004 08:52 p.m.
I'm not sure where I am right now and I know it's just from shear exhaustion.

I didn't sleep well at all last night. Some weird tickle in my throat, every time I was almost to sleep it'd start up again and I'd start coughing. Kept me up all night!

The digital camera I bought on ebay should be delivered today by DHL! I can hardly wait, it's taken SO long to get here.

Flowers were delivered last night for my birthday. An acquaintance that has been in Europe for the last 3 weeks sent them through flowers.com... it was really nice to be remembered. My own brothers of course didn't even acknowledge my existence! Oh well, what more did I expect?

Anyway, another long day/night. Rush home and walk the dogs, get the kids changed into their baseball uniforms, and then back to the ball park tonight. Lord, give me strength!
I am currently Exhausted

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How I ache....
03/29/2004 12:21 a.m.
like I've been put through the wash, the ringer twice and hung out to dry!

Yesterday was opening day for my boys' little league park. We were there from 7am until 8pm. It was a VERY long day. In the process I learned a thing or two about....

1) setting up a tent canopy (there were no Boy Scouts around)
2)why I seldom eat BarBQue, and why I should continue to avoid it.
3)that there is a certain type of fabric used in making golf/polo shirts that is MURDER on on your hands/knuckles when doing chair massage.... it's not the smooth cotton knit.

and I gained insight into a few other things as well.

My youngest son's t-ball team tied their game 10/10.

My oldest son's team won their game 4/2. One of my former students (he moved to a new school) was the pitcher, and hit my son with a pitch. He was pitching kind of wild all night, but he's only 12, so I guess you can't expect too much. At least he did come up to me and apologize for hitting my son!

I'm exhausted today! I did chair massage yesterday. In addition to making $130 I also have several possible repeat clients lined up for Swedish massage as well. It would be nice to have the extra $$ coming in this summer to help pay my moving expenses!

Anyway, guess I'll be going for now... a mom's work is never done!

I am currently Exhausted

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Lord, Grant me the Serenity....
03/27/2004 04:26 a.m.
to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can,.... and to get through the next 36 hours without beating the crap out of one of my children (YOU know the one I mean!) or telling some obnoxious person EXACTLY what I think of them and where they can put their 2 cents worth!

We had practice every night this week, a scrimmage game Wednesday night, had to go to Clear Lake Thursday (My oldest son WAS accepted into the study!), and opening day is tomorrow!

A VERY busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I'll be doing chair massage, so I have to get there early and set up. Both of the boys also have games tomorrow.

I'm JUST getting my voice back. I was out from work for two days because of laryngitis. I guess that's as good a reason as any to NOT have to do any announcing tomorrow!

Right now I'm about to lose my mind and my patience with my children, especially the one... yelling, screaming, cursing, kicking the sliding glass shower doors, etc. and now the dogs are fighting too... GOOD LORD! What did I do in my previous lives to warrant such a trial in this one?

And me without any booze!

Happy Pre-Birthday to me... the only gift I really want is 48 hours alone, no children, no pets, no responsibilities, no chores, just peace and quiet... hell, I'd settle for 12 hours.... 8?
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to The storm inside my brain

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Busier than a one legged man... slightly
03/15/2004 09:18 p.m.
I had a busy weekend. Thankfully there wasn't any baseball practice!

Saturday I looked at a townhome in the complex I have kind of had my heart set on. I turned in my lease application, and it'll be ready for me to move-in on June 6. Mind you I still have to pay rent here until June 30, but my best friend is gonna help me out there, in addition to helping me move. I'm VERY excited and happy about the move.

The townhouse is 100 sq. ft larger, and rents for $5 less than the normal rent on this apt. (I get a 5% discount). By signing the lease now, I also get one month free! so it's all gonna work out!

I haven't been writing lately. Too stressed out dealing with life I guess. My oldest son has driven me to the verge of insanity lately. Tomorrow we go back to the Dr., unmedicated, to see if he can qualify for the study. Joping for the best!

This is Spring Break! My ex is SUPPOSED to have the boys, but no one that knows the situation is at all surprised that he has flaked, yet once again! He is also getting behind on child support, again. It was nice while it lasted (all of three weeks!)

Ya know, I really don't mind so much that I get screwed over by people, ie, ex-husband, ex-boyfriends, etc... but it just pisses the crap out of me when people screw my kids over and hurt them!

Well, back to the ball park tonight, and then tomorrow is a FULL day, Wednesday is the only day that I don't have something I have to do, YET.
I am currently Exhausted
I am listening to lilo and stitch cartoons

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What WAS I thinking?
03/13/2004 03:35 a.m.
I've allowed myself to be talked into being the "Team Mom" for my youngest son's T-ball team.

I don't have the time for this... two kids on two teams,etc., etc. Heaven help me!


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The Journey of a Lifetime...
03/12/2004 05:07 p.m.
Begins with one step.

I might not be off to a running start, but rather several small steps in different areas, which hopefully will some day soon, converge into a more peaceful, satisfying existence.

I received a phone call today from a Dr. (psych.) for my oldest son. In addition to going back next week Tuesday to see if he qualifies for one of the studies, he also has an appt. with another Dr. for Good Friday. It has taken years to get here, to this point, but at last we are here. Just the possibility of getting an accurate "diagnosis" and understanding of what exactly is going on with my son.... I am almost ready to say it makes everything we've gone through to get here worthwhile. It would have been much better for all of us if we could have gotten here without some of the trials and difficulties.

Today, I also took a preliminary step towards furthering my education/educational career. I have registered for an informational meeting for a program to become an educational diagnostician. This would mean getting my master's degree and an increase in salary eventually. My only reservation is I do not intend to leave the school where I am currently employed anytime in the near future.

Just have to put it into God's hands. He brought me here when I had other thoughts and ideas. He's kept me here through some difficult situations, and He'll guide me (or flat out place me) where I am to be next.
I am currently Content
I am listening to "Jessie's Girl" (80's on the radio)

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Today was my first...
03/12/2004 01:47 a.m.
international phone call. I know... whooptydoo... but it was cool to me... to hear from someone I've been talking to, all the way from Paris!

I've still working on my weight loss goals. I've been walking every day this week! I really want to lose another 30 lbs. but not too quickly... I want to make a permanent change in my lifestyle.

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Toasty Warm and Cozy
03/08/2004 03:39 p.m.
which is highly unusual for work. Typically I'm freezing to death, but not today, and it's such a beatiful day out, the sun shine is peeking into the courtyard and beckoning me to come out and bask in it's caress. *sigh* But I must work. Only one week to go before Spring Break and 3 days this week will be taken up with testing.

That's about it for now I guess, time to earn that teacher's salary. I'll be back later to leave more.... maybe.

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Good, Bad, and Indifferent
03/05/2004 02:41 p.m.
and lets just take these random ramblings in that order...

Good
Let's see... already talked about my son's appt. yesterday.

Today is payday! I paid all my bills with my IRS refund, and bought a digital camera, some groceries, 6 DVD's (wow that cost added up quick!), some stuff for the kids, and a few other odds and ends, and I still have money left over from that... SO I have my entire paycheck left! I do want to replace my cellphone (the last one slid out of the console in my car and into a glass of iced tea... cell phones and sweet tea do not mix)and I plan to take the boys to The Rain Forest Cafe tomorrow.

Pray for me y'all, going out in public with my kids, more than 40 miles away from home, with no back-up or support!

Tonight we have a meeting at 6:30 at the ball park. Both of my boys are playing on the Yankees. One in T-ball, the other in the minors. I'm hoping that by some miracle a) they have practice at the same place and time, or at least that they don't have practice at the same time and different places b)would like if they had game nights the same nights... I just don't want to be spending all of my time after work driving here and there and at the ballpark.


Bad
kind of feel like I'm getting caught in the middle of family problems again.

My oldest son's hamster (Hamataro) escaped sometime in the night I guess, and their bedroom door was opened. I guess the dogs thought he was a play toy... I saw him belly up on the floor in the living room. My son's a bit upset, but we talked about it, and I told him that when he gets his room cleaned up so that he and the hamsters both have places to sleep, and when he helps clean up the rest of the place (They have torn it to pieces) that I'll get him another hamster.

Indifferent

I was pretty much given the kiss off last night by "him". You know it's a kiss off when they say "You're a nice (insert gender appropriate noun)" then there is the "but" or like I got "I'm sure you'll find someone".

It's not like he's the last man in Houston... sooner or later, I'll find (or he'll find me) the one that's right. But the looking get's frustrating.

My priorities right now are my boys, and they'll always be a priority, but I'm not gonna rearrange my life and schedule, etc. for someone without a darn good reason. At this point, although I don't intend to let anyone around my boys right away (especially after what "he" did), whoever wants to be more than just a casual friend, will have to take an interest in the boys; will have to want to spend time with them and do things with them. If I can find the man who fits that and cares about me... then I'll know that it's something worth making some changes and sacrifices in order to allow the relationship to develop.



I am currently Reflective

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Well....
03/05/2004 12:17 a.m.
The eval. is done. I made the mistake of medicating my son at noon (about the time he usually takes his meds) on the way to the appt. Big mistake! It calmed him down enough that he didn't display any mania.

Although they didn't right out say "He's bipolar and so is your other son"... I was asked if I had thought about Allen. I told them I was well aware that he had many of the symptoms of ADD/ADHD and bipolar, but that he is coping well on his own, it hasn't affected his performance at school, or seriously affected his behavior at home, and until he does I didn't want to even consider medication. As one of the coordinator's put it "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

My oldest son is to go back in a week and a half, unmedicated. The study is for children in a manic phase. It wasn't until right before we were leaving, as his ritalin was wearing off, that he started to display the behaviors they were looking for. Sooo... we'll go back in on the 16th, he won't be medicated for the 4 days before that (God HELP ME last until then, and through those four days).

At least they didn't tell me it was all in my head!
I am currently Tired

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