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black and white
by Shonda ChrissonberryI had to stop four times yesterday. I had to close my eyes and ask You to help me get through this moment. I didn't even want to breath. I didn't want to move. I just wanted it to be better. I couldn't shake it. I couldn't fight it.
It didn't get better. It only made me more weary ~ so tired of fighting. Fighting life. Fighting myself. Fighting for him. Fighting You.
I went to church today. But I was unable to go to the alter. My legs didn't work. I knew all of them, they are my brothers and sisters. They would have lifted me up. They would have laid hands on me. Prayed over me. Cried with me. But I felt so alone.
So I stayed in my pew and pretended it was all ok. When asking for prayer requests, Brother Bill (he gave the sermon today) mentioned my name. He knows. I confide in him. Sister Judy ~ she knows. I confide in her. They pray for me. After the service, Brother John came up to me. And we talked for about 20 minutes. He knows. I confided in him. He prays for me.
My words...they leave me. In all of my brokeness, my prayers are silent. They have been uttered so many times ~ they speak to You themselves without me.
How long Abba? I need You. Please help me. I am scared. I am loosing hold of You. And all I feel is darkness.
08/12/2007 Posted on 08/12/2007
Copyright © 2010 Shonda Chrissonberry
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by El McCandless on 08/13/07 at 12:07 AM You said, "I am loosing hold of You." ---That's the great thing, hon, you don't have to do the 'holding' right now. You just need to rest. His hands are big enough for you to just curl up and rest for a while. Just rest and listen for His comforting whisper, gentle, yet ever so strong, that says, "Be still and know that I am God. I am your Lord and God who will never leave you or forsake you, and I know the plans I have for you..., plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." |
| Posted by Genevieve Sturrock on 08/13/07 at 08:46 AM i second El's words....just rest and know that He will not lose hold of you. |
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