memberid = new Array() memberid[1] = "6722" journalEntry = new Array() journalEntry[1] = new Array() journalEntry[1][1] = "Poetry For People" journalEntry[1][2] = "05/07/10 10:17 AM" journalEntry[1][3] = "In an effort to kick-start myself back into writing, I\'m doing a six week workshop with Sage Cohen called \"Poetry For People: Level One\". I have her book \"Writing The Life Poetic\" and the workshop is very similar except that you get your poetry reviewed by Sage, and you\'re supported by a real, live person as you go through the process.

I\'m finding it pretty exciting. I mean, how often do I give this kind of time to writing poetry? (Never!)

I plan to put a new section up here at Pathetic for the poems that come out of the workshop.

Even if I write nothing but crap, at least I\'m writing." journalEntry[1][4] = "Stevie Nicks - Twisted" journalEntry[1][5] = "Dorky" journalEntry[2] = new Array() journalEntry[2][1] = "Zyban and Other Joys" journalEntry[2][2] = "03/31/10 09:52 AM" journalEntry[2][3] = "I started Zyban a couple of days ago in yet another desperate attempt to quit smoking. Something happens when I\'m on this stuff. I sleep like the dead (which is unusual, apparently), and I feel nothing.

Nothing good, nothing bad, no hunger, no thirst...

I just sort of float.

It\'s not a narcotic, and it doesn\'t change my level of awareness. I could easily operate heavy machinery.

But I don\'t feel much of anything.

I suppose since I smoke to manage what I feel this is a good thing so long as it\'s temporary.

Funny thing is, though, that I feel like writing now that I feel nothing. I actually responded to Stimulus at Northography last night in a spontaneous fit of words, and this morning, I actually did a revision.

Miracle drug, Zyban!

Heh. :)" journalEntry[2][4] = "-" journalEntry[2][5] = "Detached" journalEntry[3] = new Array() journalEntry[3][1] = "OMG, Yes." journalEntry[3][2] = "03/26/10 04:04 PM" journalEntry[3][3] = "Jim was lovely enough to comment on my last whiny entry about poet\'s block, and he finished with this insight:

\"In some ways, its only a matter of having standards that perpetually exceed ability. And that\'s a good place to be in - even if it always feels miserable.\"

Hit me like a bolt out of the blue, that did. Because it really is an awesome place to be in - to be forever stretching to be better. Isn\'t that what I\'m all about anyway?

Yes, it really is.

Let\'s call this my public thank you to Jim, who said exactly what I needed to hear today. :)

***

In other news, my course materials arrived from Athabasca U today and I am hyperventilating over getting started. I\'m a high school drop out. Doing courses at the university level is about as intimidating as anything I\'ve ever attempted.

Wish me fortitude, dudes!

" journalEntry[3][4] = "Vandaveer - Grace and Speed" journalEntry[3][5] = "Better" journalEntry[4] = new Array() journalEntry[4][1] = "Poetry - Argh!" journalEntry[4][2] = "03/26/10 11:08 AM" journalEntry[4][3] = "I keep coming back to this feeling that I\'ll never write again - that all the poetic flow that came easily in my thirties is over, over, over, and I will never, ever, ever write again.

Which is silly because I don\'t write because I *don\'t* write. Not because I *can\'t* write. And I *don\'t* write because I\'m terrified of sucking.

Terrified.

Never mind that I love writing. Never mind that writing poetry has been one of the most therapeutic, beautiful, creative, nourishing outlets I have ever known. Never mind that some people actually *like* what I write!

Not good enough for this twisted mind o\' mine. No. It wants perfection and it wants it now. It wants *everyone*, especially poets I respect and admire, to LOVE my poems.

Ego. Feh.

I don\'t know what it\'s going to take to break this block, this wall, this terror. But I\'m working on it...

That\'s the best I can do for now." journalEntry[4][4] = "Wendy Rule - The Wild Faeries" journalEntry[4][5] = "Frustrated"